How soon do you follow up after a date? | Features


You go on a first date Tuesday night, and you think it went pretty well. In fact, you’re sure it went pretty well. I mean, why else would your prospective new lover constantly let his or her knee graze yours all night or share your drink as if you’d known each other for more than, oh, 45 minutes? You go home content, and (dare I say it?) happy. Wednesday morning comes and goes, and by Wednesday at around 3 p.m., you think the potential new relationship is doomed. It’s been 17.26 hours, and not even a measly text to say what a nice time he or she had??

The advent of modern technology — texting, Snapchat, email, Facebook — has completely changed the antiquated “three-day rule” that I’m sure many of us have heard of, into more like a “three-hour rule.” So many relationships end before they even start because no one knows the answer to the simple question: How soon do you follow up after a date?

A few years ago, a survey performed by the company LoveGeist was commissioned by, and it found that after a first date on a Saturday evening, most daters will get in touch by 11:48 a.m. on Monday with a call or text. Thus, 1.52 days is now the average time spent waiting for a follow-up message. And between the time this survey was performed and today, I’m guessing that the 1.52 days is even conservative. Most people assume that if their date was interested in meeting again, there will be some imminent communication.

So…. the three-day rule is now (at least) cut in half. For what it’s worth, I don’t recommend a first date on a Saturday night, especially a first online date. A weeknight or Sunday evening date works well, and then if you want to see each other again, you can plan for the coveted Friday or Saturday night slot when you already know you have some chemistry.

In this day and age, we are all basically surgically attached to our phones. I know someone who texted from the hospital bed just minutes after she had a baby (Hi, Kim!), and we all know someone (and that person likely stares at us in the mirror) who checks his or her email or the news every morning on the phone before even getting out of bed. When it comes down to it, if you like someone, it’s so easy to get in touch. If you wait the antiquated three days, it’s already a foregone conclusion that you’re probably just not that into the other person.

In most cases, if he’s interested, the man will contact the woman after the date to ask her out again. But I do encourage the woman to send a “thank you text” the day after the date. Why not remind your date of you the next day? Assuming he also had a great time, it’ll put a smile on his face and give him the nudge he needs to know that you want to stay in contact with him.

The rules are simple: If you like someone and want to make plans for a second date, then make the contact in a timely fashion. A short and sweet text saying, “Had a great time last night! Would love to do it again if you’re interested. Let me know what your week looks like.” And ladies, if he has the courtesy to ask you out again and you’re not interested, do the kind thing and thank him, using the honest answer that you didn’t feel a spark. Ignoring it will only make a possible future encounter (remember — it’s a small world) that much more awkward. No ghosting. Period.

And there we have it — the three-day rule debunked. Somehow the “1.52-day rule” just doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. Let’s call it the “36-hour rule” and be on our way.

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