Picture this – you meet this amazing person, strike an undeniable connection, there is chemistry, and soon you’re dating. Before you know it, things start to get serious and you begin to feel the reality of the situation.
As this happens, you start to pull yourself back and gradually (but surely) become distant, leaving your partner confused and upset. You’ve probably seen this happen one too many times. Maybe you’ve been at the receiving end of it. Commitment phobia is a common reason why relationships end badly.
It is tough on both, the partner and the person who experiences it. That’s because a commitment phobic tends to subconsciously disengage and disconnect from someone in a bid to feel in control of their emotions.
Commitment phobia is an issue that’s as real as it gets. It has the potential to ruin relationships that are progressing wonderfully, which is why it needs to be dealt with meticulously. Here are a few tips that can help.
1) Face Your Fear: Before you can beat your fear, it is important that you understand it. Doing so will help you face your fear and gradually acknowledge it. You will then be able to accept it.
When you begin to work on overcoming your fear, it may feel as though you are taking huge risks by making yourself emotionally available and vulnerable. However it is important to realize that your life can be truly gratifying only if you are willing to take these risks.
So be open to taking risks. Also, realize that the fear of commitment will not disappear overnight and you will take time to get over it. What is important is that you keep acknowledging it and work towards getting rid of it.
2) What Are You Really Afraid Of? The roots of your fear may run deep. Maybe you were in a relationship in the past where you ended up getting hurt or were rejected by someone you cared deeply for. It could also be that you were afraid of losing your freedom, so you dumped your partner.
Whatever the case may be, it is extremely important that you figure out what’s really holding you back. You need to get this right because only then will you be able to find the correct solution for your problem.
For example, if you deduce that you are afraid of rejection, then you can work on it by taking small steps outside your comfort zone and ready yourself for some discomfort. Soon, you will realize that the discomfort is temporary. You will finally be able to focus on what you want to be and become capable of avoiding rejection to a great degree.
3) Leave Past Pains Behind: It is important to realize that your fear can control you only if you let it. If you have been hurt by someone you loved in the past and are still hanging on to those feelings, you need to realize that it’s time to let go of them and move on.
You don’t want your feelings from the past to hamper your opportunities in the present. Once you let go of them, you will comprehend just how unreasonable your fear is and how it has been controlling your present behavior, thereby making you commitment phobic.
4) Work on Your Own Happiness: It is said that you attract what you are. If you’re happy, you will probably attract other happy people and enjoy healthy long-term relationships.
If you’re currently single, but looking for someone special, being happy will enable you to feel 100% ready for a new relationship and make it work.
One way to be happy is to be realistic with yourself. Know that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There will always be times when you and your partner will not get along on certain issues. However, you will get past them. Don’t let such issues keep you from committing yourself and lose important people from your life.
5) Avoid Overthinking: In all probability, a commitment phobic will have several ‘what if?’ thoughts on their mind. This will make them think of multiple answers, which they will ultimately doubt.
More often than not, overthinking can lead us to take bad decisions. This applies to love and relationship decisions as well. Remember, in both areas, you need to use your head as well as heart.
There is no guarantee that a relationship will work out for sure, but it is massively important to put fear away and give yourself a chance.
Conclusion: Being a commitment phobic can make it hard for you to spend your life with your ideal mate. While it is true that opening up to someone comes with the risk of being let down by them, one cannot stay disconnected from someone for a fake sense of safety.
You have the power to shape your life the way you want to.
For this, your mind needs to break through the shackles of unwarranted insecurities and welcome people into your heart. I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t let that great catch pass you by!
Author Bio: Leslie Wright is a freelance lifestyle blogger. You can spot her in the crowd playing with kids and sipping her cappuccino with a hint of cinnamon. Also, she loves penning down birthday wishes and holiday greetings! When not writing she is definitely baking the amazing chocolate cake, but ain’t she sharing that with anyone!